I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
