$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
