there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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