She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
