once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
