I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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