____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
this hospital has no fireball
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
