Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
