well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
