:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
A+ Viking dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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