Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
