remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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