i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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