wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
