Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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