There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
