i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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