I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
