I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
