my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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