Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
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Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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