her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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