I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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