you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
third nipple confirmed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
