Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
