I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
