i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
