You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she peed on how many people?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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