I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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