She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
