I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
