its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
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This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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