My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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