:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
