I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
