She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
