we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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