Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
