Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
thus making me awesome and them whores
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize