I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
