can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
