I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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