yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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