my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
