Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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