i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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