I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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