I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
