ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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