nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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