You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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