I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Enjoy the penises
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
