I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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