So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
