It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
