i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
