i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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